I was cleaning up my cabinet last night and found these…
They may not look like much now, but back when I first bought these they were bright and shiny. Like the promises they represent. Promise rings as some would call them.
You see, before, I tend to make promises to women. A promise to make the relationship last…forever(?). A promise that can be more physically proven by buying silver rings. Like a “covenant” handshake of some sort. Don’t get me wrong, of course my intentions are as real as they can be when I made those promises. But now, there’s that small regret at the corner of my heart as I write, not because of the feelings I felt when I made the promise, but simply because I made promises that I couldn’t keep.
Why did I make them? Because I am selfish and prideful. I thought I can control the way this relationship will go. An unmarried and “un-engaged” couple makes promises to each other initiated by the man may look sweet and noble at first, like a scene in a local high school chic flick. But my motives were selfish. Why do I want to make those promises? Of course to get her to swear back the same commitment- it’s like an unwritten contract. There’s nothing wrong with deep commitments – there’s only WRONG TIMING.
I think deeper commitments, like a promise to make the relationship last, are not for unmarried couples to make. I believe that for couples during the boyfriend-girlfriend season, there are a lot more productive things to do than just swear deep commitments to each other. I come to recall a valuable lesson that says: “Everything is permissible”–but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”–but not everything is constructive. A commitment made at the wrong timing is NOT constructive- its COERCIVE.
I wish I could have done better in my relationships before. But all of these things happened for a reason- so that God may prove that He is in control in my life- that includes my relationships. That regardless of my selfishness, God was able to come through for me and those that I have hurt in the past.
Now, with my new season, through God’s faithfulness and His grace, I am able to understand the small lessons little by little. What I ought to focus on, the things we ought to do as a couple and the things we ought not to do. My new personal mantra is: no PROMISE RINGS until the ENGAGEMENT RING.
Cause if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it
If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it – Single Ladies, Beyonce
Instead of swearing, instead of promises, commit the relationship to God and enjoy the season as it is now, and WHEN YOU ARE READY, DON’T DELAY! Go for it!