Love and Dating Tip#2: Date with the Intent of Marriage

Today, it is a normal practice for a man to date/ court someone even when marriage is far from his mind. I think that practice is unwise. I am not saying it is wrong – but it is not wise, not strategic and well…. selfish in some ways.

Why date someone without the intent of marriage in the near future? Now, hear me, I am not saying the one you are dating in the present should be the girl you will marry but at least you should know if you are ready for marriage.

 

Any right man in the right mind won’t enter into something without having an intent to do something about it. Men we are called to cultivate our relationships. Pag paikot ikot lang tayo sa isang relationship, mas mabuti pang exit ka na lang kay sa mahilo ang babae sa kakaikot mo.

Sabi ko nga sa isang instagram post ko:

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Men And Their Promises

I was cleaning up my cabinet last night and found these…

 

They may not look like much now, but back when I first bought these they were bright and shiny. Like the promises they represent. Promise rings as some would call them.

You see, before, I tend to make promises to women. A promise to make the relationship last…forever(?). A promise that can be more physically proven by buying silver rings. Like a “covenant” handshake of some sort. Don’t get me wrong, of course my intentions are as real as they can be when I made those promises. But now, there’s that small regret at the corner of my heart as I write, not because of the feelings I felt when I made the promise, but simply because I made promises that I couldn’t keep.

Why did I make them? Because I am selfish and prideful. I thought I can control the way this relationship will go. An unmarried and “un-engaged” couple makes promises to each other initiated by the man may look sweet and noble at first, like a scene in a local high school chic flick. But my motives were selfish. Why do I want to make those promises? Of course to get her to swear back the same commitment- it’s like an unwritten contract. There’s nothing wrong with deep commitments – there’s only WRONG TIMING.

I think deeper commitments, like a promise to make the relationship last, are not for unmarried couples to make. I believe that for couples during the boyfriend-girlfriend season, there are a lot more productive things to do than just swear deep commitments to each other. I come to recall a valuable lesson that says: “Everything is permissible”–but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”–but not everything is constructive. A commitment made at the wrong timing is NOT constructive- its COERCIVE.

I wish I could have done better in my relationships before. But all of these things happened for a reason- so that God may prove that He is in control in my life- that includes my relationships. That regardless of my selfishness, God was able to come through for me and those that I have hurt in the past.

Now, with my new season, through God’s faithfulness and His grace, I am able to understand the small lessons little by little. What I ought to focus on, the things we ought to do as a couple and the things we ought not to do. My new personal mantra is: no PROMISE RINGS until the ENGAGEMENT RING.

Cause if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it
If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it – Single Ladies, Beyonce

Instead of swearing, instead of promises, commit the relationship to God and enjoy the season as it is now, and WHEN YOU ARE READY, DON’T DELAY! Go for it!

LOVE AND DATING TIP #1: Do not fall in love with the idea of falling in love

One of the greatest mistake we make when it comes to dating the opposite sex is that we do so because we are in love with the concept and idea of falling in love.

Maybe you watched a romantic movie or finished a romantic novel, or you just came from a conversation with friends about romance and you have this bright idea to start dating someone because the idea seems good and right. If that is the case – don’t!

The idea of falling in love might give you some good vibes but once you start dating someone you need to count the cost. Not the financial cost (though that is also important), but rather the relational cost of entering into a dating relationship.

Any relationship requires sacrifice and commitment. Hindi tatagal ang isang relationship sa goosebumps at kilig. You need to commit to a person – not just an idea of falling in love.

So huwag magpatulak dahil napanood mo lang si Sarah at si John Lloyd or dahil lahat ng barkada mo may girlfriend na – pag isipan mo mabuti kasi love is not a game. It is a decision. Dahil pag ikaw sinagot ng nililigawan mo – it takes more than kilig to go to the next level. Your relationship will be tested.

Grow in love with a person, don’t fall in love with the idea.

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What Kind of a Man a Woman Want

by: Ptra. Faythe Santiago

One night while seeking God, He spoke to me and said, “Be Sarah.” I opened my Bible and found my way to 1 Peter 3:5 which says, “For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, [6] like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.”

Sarah was mentioned here as someone women must imitate. We ought to submit and this is how women in the Bible make themselves beautiful. Sarah was totally submissive to ABRAHAM.

As of this writing, I’ve pastored hundreds of young people. I lead not only young women but young men in the church. I also lead youth pastors from different churches in the Philippines. But God is telling me that someday, He will give me an ABRAHAM to lead me and my job is simple: to SUBMIT.

Yes, an Abraham. If women ought to be submissive like Sarah, then they must have an ABRAHAM to lead them, a man worth following!  I love what the verse says about Sarah, “like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord.”

I’ll share to you one of the many powerful traits of Abraham that caused Sarah to obey him:

1. Man of Vision

Women, do not ever marry a man without vision. The worst disaster of your life is living a life without vision! Without vision men perish dragging their wives along (Pro 29:18).

Men must have dreams, direction, purpose and mission. They have a vision and they pursue that vision! He knows where he is going and he pursues that direction! And take note, this is not his own vision but the vision of God. He hit God’s vision right at the very center!

Many times God would speak to Abraham. Go to this place. Do this. You will become like this. One example is that God had to show Abraham the sky to give him a picture of what he and Sarah will be like in the future! A huge vision:

“He took him outside and said, “Look up at the sky and count the stars—if indeed you can count them.” Then he said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” Abram believed the Lord, and he credited it to him as righteousness.” – Genesis 15:5-6

God gave Abraham a vision that his descendants will be as numerous as the stars in the sky! He lived with a vision and so he knows where to go and he knows what he will become: a father of many nations.

2. Man of Faith

Hebrews 11:6 says, “And without faith it is impossible to please God.” 

Men have BIG faith not big muscles. Their asset is not their face but their faith. Real men love adventures with God! They love risking it with God by believing every word and every promise even when it seems impossible! They move mountains, soar high, do impossible things, accomplish great things and witness miracles all because of their faith in God!

Abraham believed God when He promised him that He will become a father of many nations. Sarah just laughed it off, how can we be like that if I can’t even bore a son? And one day, Sarah found herself pregnant. All because of her husband’s faith!

“Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.”” – Romans 4:18 

3. Man of Obedience 

For all the Sarahs out there, never marry a man who is disobedient to God.  It is a gift to have a husband who hears and obeys God!

“Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, “Abraham!” “Here I am,” he replied. Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show you.” Early the next morning Abraham got up and loaded his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about.” – Genesis 22:1-3

After years and years of waiting for the promised son, Isaac was born. The child brought joy to their life! Then one day, God spoke to Abraham to sacrifice his only SON for Him.

This is OBEDIENCE: when early next morning he got up and prepared everything for his sacrifice to God, His son, Isaac! Even when it hurts.  No ifs, no buts, no questions asked. Abraham obeyed.

4. MAN WHO LOVES GOD WITH HIS ALL 

Abraham obeyed because he loved God more than anything in this world!

A dream husband is someone WHO LOVES GOD WITH HIS ALL. And I hope you fully understand what I mean when I say ALL.

 

Someone who is secured in God’s love and needs nothing but Him. They fulfill this in their life:

Matthew 22:37  “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” 

John Wesley said, “Give me 100 men who love God and hate nothing but sin and I will shake the world for Christ”.

And this will make our world a better world: Raise up FATHERS WHO LOVES GOD! Blessed are the wives and children of those men who love God.

We need to see men go crazy in love for Jesus, blazing in their passion for Him and extreme to obey his commands!

And these men will in turn, be passionate pursuers, great providers, loving fathers and history makers all because they loved God first and with their all!

GOD WANTS TO SEE ABRAHAM IN YOU and Sarahs out there will be so blessed to have you. She will journey with you as you journey with God in raising up a generation who loves God and impacts our world!