Six months ago when I first started writing for Stratejoy I thought that by now I’d have a great job, be living in a great apartment, surrounded by amazing people – i.e my life before I moved back to New York.
That reality hasn’t happened.
I’m still unemployed, chilling with the parents an uncomfortable commute away from my friends. I still feel as though my life is a mass of unconnected dots and like I’m having a hard time finding a pen never mind figuring out the pattern I’m supposed to discern from the mass of dots which I swear move when I’m not looking.
It feels a bit like trying to pin the tail on the bucking bronco.
I am, I keep reminding myself, exactly where I need to be. The six months that I’ve spent writing for Stratejoy (and doing my own Joy Plan) have really forced me to take a good hard look at myself and at how I relate to the world. I’ve done a lifetime worth of soul searching and have managed to cultivate a level of patience the Dalai Lamai himself would envy. Sometimes, like right now, I even find myself being taken over by a deep sense of peace.
And, while a life unexamined is not a life worth living, there is such a thing as too much introspection. You can get caught up in your own head, and doing that introspection on a public platform can I think feed the crazies. As the wise Miley Cyrus (yeah I said wise) put it, can get easy to stop living for moments and start living for people.
While sharing my life and my thoughts the past few months have been really helpful in terms of finding my center and my own sense of peace (as well as helping me recognize that I’m not alone), I feel as though I’m at a place where I need to back off a little bit.
Much as a caterpillar enters a chrysalis to emerge a beautiful butterfly, I feel I need a break from publicly examining my own life, to enter into my own cocoon so that I can find my own inner butterfly.
It is, I think, impossible to truly transform while people are watching.
So thank you reader for being a part in my journey, for reading, for commiserating and I hope for laughing a little. It’s been a joy and an honor and I wish you best on your own journey.
In my heart of hearts I am a SciFi/Fantasy dork so I think closing with this quote from J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings would be fitting:
The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.
With much peace and love,
[Kendra. It’s hard for me to sit here and not be moved by your “outer struggle” right now. The part that allows me to make peace with it? I know you’ve been undergoing some incredible inner growth. The clarity and beauty of your posts have given all of us an incredible glimpse into your challenges, as well as your celebrations. Believe me when I say this–that mass of dots? Soon enough it will connect itself into a beautiful picture. A stunning representation of your right life. I believe it in my heart of hearts. Thank you for sharing such an intimate slice of your reality. It’s been an inspiration and a source of many discussions in my world. Love, Molly]