I’m feeling inferior.
I’m feeling like time is a tickin’ and I’m standing still while everyone around me is doing profound, profound things.
Okay, so, I know that isn’t entirely true but I’m going to complain and whine for a hot second anyway. Then, I’m going to pull myself up by my bootstraps and get on with it. Watch.
Everyone’s got something “going on.” Katharine just moved to Prague. Juliana is releasing music like mad. Molly is busy inspiring, like, thousands of women everyday, Bri is falling in love, Laura has a thriving business, and Amanda is about to give life to another human being, for heaven’s sake.
My friends are making big life changes like moving to fantabulous cities, getting married, beginning exciting careers, and saving Japan. Me? Eh. I’m getting up in the morning and going to class and drinking a lot of coffee and writing and other stuff, too. Like cleaning my closets this weekend. Oh, and I also might try a new recipe from Whole Living magazine. And, uh? I’ll probably make a trip to Sephora, rent a movie, or maybe clip my toenails and clean my toilet. I don’t know, we’ll see how it goes.
Blah. That’s what.
Lately, honestly, I’m wondering, when will my big moment be? When will all of this quarter-life crisising and work towards identifying myself materialize into something I can pinpoint as progress? When does the talking end and the walking begin, ya know? What’s my identity? Who am I? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!
Why is my inner critic telling me that my identity isn’t enough? Why do I feel insecure in a life that I’ve really wanted for a long time? Because I’m not being awesome in the same way as other people? That’s silly.
Whatever it all means, now I’ll slap myself and get back to the reality I’m living with a little pep talk.
I’m a college student, which makes me fortunate all in itself. I’m attending a university I love in a town that I love more. I finally got the balls to study what I wanted to study and make movement toward a life that I’ll enjoy and feel passion for. I have strong friendships with just enough people who know who I really am. I’ve got an apartment that I am crazy about and that feels like home, complete with plenty of candles, a stellar book collection, and my beagle friend. I have a great haircut and some pretty sassy articles of clothing that make me feel freakin’ cool. I live above a sweet bookstore, a hop from my coffee shop, and across the street from my favorite restaurant. I’ve been given so many opportunities, so many more than millions of people across the globe and I’ve got the world in the palm of my hands- anything I can dream, ready for the taking! OH! And, someone asked me out on a real-life date. I mean, he was wearing socks with sandals but I feel like if he is going to buy me food and is also a fan of pinot noir, then we can work the sock thing out.
Truth be told, it’s a pretty quiet, slow, uneventful life right now. Which, HELLO, is just fine. At times like this, when I’m playing the comparison game, which I always seem to be losing, I need to remind myself that getting here has taken a lot of hard work. Getting to a place where my situation is so very me has been a long haul. I’m not standing still, I’m standing in a place I dreamed of standing in not very long ago.
Welp, there’s my identity right now. A woman who recognized what wasn’t working and put the pieces back together in a way that feels more like me. I had to wipe my slate clean and rebuild to get to the point I’m at. I am DAMN proud of myself.
I do love my day-to-day. There is no aspect of my life that I’d change. Not one. And while I’m not exactly freeing refugees, saving whales, opening my own business or traveling the world with my backpack of awesome, I am enjoying what I’ve got goin’ on. I am doing important things like getting my degree, paying my bills on time, and making sure I see every concert that comes my way, reading everything I can get my hands on, and soaking up all the culture that a 24-year-old single gal can whilst looking bangin’ hot. That’s me right now.
And, I suppose that if I am playing the comparison game, I should know that I’m winning, because the only person I am playing with is myself. I’m putting in the work; the day-to-day grind. What makes me fortunate and reminds me to stop complaining and feeling inferior is that coolest part: my little, humble routine makes me really happy. And happy day-to-day life eventually leads to the strength to begin monumentally life-changing events and chase big stuff like world travels and saving people.
What is with the comparison game, anyway? That game is no fun. I quit. I’m going to start my own game called “I really like my very own, unique life.” Who wants to play?
[If you’re really down to play the game with me, the best place to start is by taking Molly up on her scholarship offer for six weeks of coaching. As someone who has worked through a whole slew of Molly’s awesome products and used her guidance to get to where I am, TRUST ME, this could change it all for you, and like, duh, it’s free. Apply.]