I would probably have asked Mr. Lennon to add another keyword … that word being “Trust” – All You Need Is Love and Trust.
Let me start at the beginning …
I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life – I’ll be the first to admit it.
In one past serious relationship I was put through emotional, sexual and physical abuse. I allowed someone to hold a sort of power over me … and it made me someone I wasn’t proud of.
I felt no self-confidence or self worth. Everything in my world revolved around this person. Not only was he aware of it; he took advantage of it.
Over the years, I worked hard to overcome that phase in my life. I had to commit to learning about who I was, who I want to be, how to get there and what makes me happy. To get through the past, I’ve had to focus on my current decisions.
The decisions that I now have control over.
The majority of the time, I am able to forget that piece of my past; I don’t like seeing that broken little girl.
Now, here I am in a new relationship. After knowing each other for less than a month, I moved to San Antonio! We both agreed that given the fast moving pace of our relationship, it was absolutely essential we dedicate to complete transparency.
This promise to each other didn’t just include the present; it included the past … for me, a past very difficult to come to terms with.
This is where the trust comes in.
What I realized very quickly into the process of disclosure was that I was prone to avoiding the details of my past by gently brushing reality with small lies that made it easier to deal with and communicate. While I know the truth of my past, I had never felt the need to disclose everything to another individual. I found myself suddenly in a situation where the need for full disclosure was real.
As I went through the process, I realized that in order for someone to know me … really know me … they needed to understand the whole story – the context of my past and how that impacts my present outlook.
Owning up to my past has been an eye opening experience for me. It’s led me down a number of enlightening paths and to realizations that I had never before discovered. With a loving partner by my side, and with his same level of commitment, we were able to deconstruct, rebuild and truly open our eyes to how the past has led us to today.
This process required a level of commitment I had never previously experienced.
Had these hard conversations never taken place; who’s to know when and how the past would have manifested itself in my current relationship. How could he have understood if I had never committed to helping him understand – and vice-versa? Instead, armed with the truth and understanding, we have the opportunity to deal with reality and aim for all the happiness that our path has to offer.
The truth hurts. Knowing I have someone by my side that loves me, the true and complete me … past mistakes and all … makes it much easier to bear.
This new chapter in my life moves forward with a new found commitment to honesty and transparency with my partner. It didn’t happen overnight and I know that it will require work going forward.
The love part was easy… that came in a heartbeat! Trust is what I’ve had to work on and what I plan to keep central to my relationship – it won’t always be easy, but it will always be all I need!
What have you done to strengthen your relationship? Any best practices?