Love and Dating Tip#2: Date with the Intent of Marriage

Today, it is a normal practice for a man to date/ court someone even when marriage is far from his mind. I think that practice is unwise. I am not saying it is wrong – but it is not wise, not strategic and well…. selfish in some ways.

Why date someone without the intent of marriage in the near future? Now, hear me, I am not saying the one you are dating in the present should be the girl you will marry but at least you should know if you are ready for marriage.

 

Any right man in the right mind won’t enter into something without having an intent to do something about it. Men we are called to cultivate our relationships. Pag paikot ikot lang tayo sa isang relationship, mas mabuti pang exit ka na lang kay sa mahilo ang babae sa kakaikot mo.

Sabi ko nga sa isang instagram post ko:

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Men And Their Promises

I was cleaning up my cabinet last night and found these…

 

They may not look like much now, but back when I first bought these they were bright and shiny. Like the promises they represent. Promise rings as some would call them.

You see, before, I tend to make promises to women. A promise to make the relationship last…forever(?). A promise that can be more physically proven by buying silver rings. Like a “covenant” handshake of some sort. Don’t get me wrong, of course my intentions are as real as they can be when I made those promises. But now, there’s that small regret at the corner of my heart as I write, not because of the feelings I felt when I made the promise, but simply because I made promises that I couldn’t keep.

Why did I make them? Because I am selfish and prideful. I thought I can control the way this relationship will go. An unmarried and “un-engaged” couple makes promises to each other initiated by the man may look sweet and noble at first, like a scene in a local high school chic flick. But my motives were selfish. Why do I want to make those promises? Of course to get her to swear back the same commitment- it’s like an unwritten contract. There’s nothing wrong with deep commitments – there’s only WRONG TIMING.

I think deeper commitments, like a promise to make the relationship last, are not for unmarried couples to make. I believe that for couples during the boyfriend-girlfriend season, there are a lot more productive things to do than just swear deep commitments to each other. I come to recall a valuable lesson that says: “Everything is permissible”–but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”–but not everything is constructive. A commitment made at the wrong timing is NOT constructive- its COERCIVE.

I wish I could have done better in my relationships before. But all of these things happened for a reason- so that God may prove that He is in control in my life- that includes my relationships. That regardless of my selfishness, God was able to come through for me and those that I have hurt in the past.

Now, with my new season, through God’s faithfulness and His grace, I am able to understand the small lessons little by little. What I ought to focus on, the things we ought to do as a couple and the things we ought not to do. My new personal mantra is: no PROMISE RINGS until the ENGAGEMENT RING.

Cause if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it
If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it – Single Ladies, Beyonce

Instead of swearing, instead of promises, commit the relationship to God and enjoy the season as it is now, and WHEN YOU ARE READY, DON’T DELAY! Go for it!

LOVE AND DATING TIP #1: Do not fall in love with the idea of falling in love

One of the greatest mistake we make when it comes to dating the opposite sex is that we do so because we are in love with the concept and idea of falling in love.

Maybe you watched a romantic movie or finished a romantic novel, or you just came from a conversation with friends about romance and you have this bright idea to start dating someone because the idea seems good and right. If that is the case – don’t!

The idea of falling in love might give you some good vibes but once you start dating someone you need to count the cost. Not the financial cost (though that is also important), but rather the relational cost of entering into a dating relationship.

Any relationship requires sacrifice and commitment. Hindi tatagal ang isang relationship sa goosebumps at kilig. You need to commit to a person – not just an idea of falling in love.

So huwag magpatulak dahil napanood mo lang si Sarah at si John Lloyd or dahil lahat ng barkada mo may girlfriend na – pag isipan mo mabuti kasi love is not a game. It is a decision. Dahil pag ikaw sinagot ng nililigawan mo – it takes more than kilig to go to the next level. Your relationship will be tested.

Grow in love with a person, don’t fall in love with the idea.

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What Kind of a Man a Woman Want

by: Ptra. Faythe Santiago

One night while seeking God, He spoke to me and said, “Be Sarah.” I opened my Bible and found my way to 1 Peter 3:5 which says, “For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, [6] like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.”

Sarah was mentioned here as someone women must imitate. We ought to submit and this is how women in the Bible make themselves beautiful. Sarah was totally submissive to ABRAHAM.

As of this writing, I’ve pastored hundreds of young people. I lead not only young women but young men in the church. I also lead youth pastors from different churches in the Philippines. But God is telling me that someday, He will give me an ABRAHAM to lead me and my job is simple: to SUBMIT.

Yes, an Abraham. If women ought to be submissive like Sarah, then they must have an ABRAHAM to lead them, a man worth following!  I love what the verse says about Sarah, “like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord.”

I’ll share to you one of the many powerful traits of Abraham that caused Sarah to obey him:

1. Man of Vision

Women, do not ever marry a man without vision. The worst disaster of your life is living a life without vision! Without vision men perish dragging their wives along (Pro 29:18).

Men must have dreams, direction, purpose and mission. They have a vision and they pursue that vision! He knows where he is going and he pursues that direction! And take note, this is not his own vision but the vision of God. He hit God’s vision right at the very center!

Many times God would speak to Abraham. Go to this place. Do this. You will become like this. One example is that God had to show Abraham the sky to give him a picture of what he and Sarah will be like in the future! A huge vision:

“He took him outside and said, “Look up at the sky and count the stars—if indeed you can count them.” Then he said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” Abram believed the Lord, and he credited it to him as righteousness.” – Genesis 15:5-6

God gave Abraham a vision that his descendants will be as numerous as the stars in the sky! He lived with a vision and so he knows where to go and he knows what he will become: a father of many nations.

2. Man of Faith

Hebrews 11:6 says, “And without faith it is impossible to please God.” 

Men have BIG faith not big muscles. Their asset is not their face but their faith. Real men love adventures with God! They love risking it with God by believing every word and every promise even when it seems impossible! They move mountains, soar high, do impossible things, accomplish great things and witness miracles all because of their faith in God!

Abraham believed God when He promised him that He will become a father of many nations. Sarah just laughed it off, how can we be like that if I can’t even bore a son? And one day, Sarah found herself pregnant. All because of her husband’s faith!

“Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.”” – Romans 4:18 

3. Man of Obedience 

For all the Sarahs out there, never marry a man who is disobedient to God.  It is a gift to have a husband who hears and obeys God!

“Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, “Abraham!” “Here I am,” he replied. Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show you.” Early the next morning Abraham got up and loaded his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about.” – Genesis 22:1-3

After years and years of waiting for the promised son, Isaac was born. The child brought joy to their life! Then one day, God spoke to Abraham to sacrifice his only SON for Him.

This is OBEDIENCE: when early next morning he got up and prepared everything for his sacrifice to God, His son, Isaac! Even when it hurts.  No ifs, no buts, no questions asked. Abraham obeyed.

4. MAN WHO LOVES GOD WITH HIS ALL 

Abraham obeyed because he loved God more than anything in this world!

A dream husband is someone WHO LOVES GOD WITH HIS ALL. And I hope you fully understand what I mean when I say ALL.

 

Someone who is secured in God’s love and needs nothing but Him. They fulfill this in their life:

Matthew 22:37  “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” 

John Wesley said, “Give me 100 men who love God and hate nothing but sin and I will shake the world for Christ”.

And this will make our world a better world: Raise up FATHERS WHO LOVES GOD! Blessed are the wives and children of those men who love God.

We need to see men go crazy in love for Jesus, blazing in their passion for Him and extreme to obey his commands!

And these men will in turn, be passionate pursuers, great providers, loving fathers and history makers all because they loved God first and with their all!

GOD WANTS TO SEE ABRAHAM IN YOU and Sarahs out there will be so blessed to have you. She will journey with you as you journey with God in raising up a generation who loves God and impacts our world!

Dear Future Husband

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I’ve read this post at exactly 1:36 am, August 27, 2016…I can’t sleep for whatever reasons that I can’t tell (it’s a secret, hehe)..So I decided to check my FB and this is the first post that I saw…That’s why I am writing this blog. I think this one is beautifully written. I can’t help myself from reading it over and over. I even reposted it in my Instagram account. And then I ran into some of my saved files because I happen to read a blog that seems to answer this post..Here it goes…

Dear Mr. Right,

As a daydreamer with a vivid and colorful imagination, it was hard for me to put my daydreams of my fairy tale man to the side. But I am. It’s hard.

It’s hard to truly let go, and let God work. This comes from someone who is a recovering control freak…especially when it comes to relationships. I wanted to control every aspect: the meeting, the pursuit, the conversation, and the timing. I was always told that my Mr. Right is somewhere out there. After all, there are plenty of fish in the sea. But I didn’t want just a fish… I wanted my one true love and I wanted him NOW.

I was impatient. I searched for love and acceptance in all the wrong places. I sought it out in people that continually failed me. I would often see a guy in Starbucks and think, “could he be the one?”…I mean he did have really nice hair. I did not understand why I was the girl that never had the awesome boyfriend. To be honest Mr. Right, I would pray for you every night. I remember tears running down my face because I so badly wanted to find you. I truthfully wanted that fairytale moment with you, when our eyes met from across the room and we immediately fell in love. I wanted the fireworks and the distant sound of triumphant music and even the cute little floating hearts above our heads, because I thought, “I had found the one made just for me.”

But, our Father is so faithful. He is the one for which my soul was made. I was made to love Him! I was made to continually fall more and more in love with Him everyday. So Mr. Right, in response to your letter I am waiting. I am praying for patience. I am submitting my life to God. I am growing and learning how GOOD of a Father we serve.

And you are right. We need time . I need time to be patient and completely surrender my heart to God, I need to lay it all at his feet. I need to just be with him everyday. And to respond to your question “Am I okay with never getting married?”, I will be honest and say that if you asked me that a year ago I would have said a very clear and stern, “NO!” But that has completely changed. I feel led to say this, to tell you that you do not complete me, and I CAN live without you. It is something that I have struggled with, but our God is faithful. He is the one that holds me in His hand, and loves me unconditionally. Can you love me in that way? I’m not sure I can do that just yet.

So in the waiting Mr. Right, I’m praying for you and for God to strengthen our hearts in a way only he can (Psalm 27:14). To give us patience, and understanding when everything gets confusing and complicated.

Thinking of you and praying with you.

– Mrs. Right in training

Ilusyunada mode: “Feeling ko para sa akin yung post niya!..Charot!..How I wish”

I hope that my Mr. Right is thinking the same as the man who write this post…God bless you man and may you really find your Future Mrs. Right…aw..Future Wife pala!

In HIS Time

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Ecclesiastes 13

1 There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

11 He has made everything beautiful in its time…

Re – reading this verse, remind me again to be faithful and to wait patiently for the Lord’s perfect timing for me.. For every aspect of my life…especially that aspect of my life..yeah, LOVE LIFE, that is!

Many times I become frustrated and depress about that especially when people around me started questioning me “kailan ka ba mag – aasawa? (when are you getting married)..wala pa ba? (is there still no one)..hay!

But I’m still praying for that perfect man for me..I believe he’s perfect for me because he was hand-picked by God Himself..was?..because I know when God made him, He was thinking about me..Isn’t that sweet…(insert smiling face)

 

 

Kairos

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kwento ko lang si KAIROS po ay yung aking motor. Bakit may pangalan pa? Ang ibig sabihin kasi ng name nya ay “Opportune moment o Tamang Panahon? Inspired ba sa Aldub? Hindi po. Nagkataon lang. Ito kasi ang gusto kong name ng magiging baby ko. In the  future. Hehe..Violet siya kasi yun ung favorite color ko. Birthday nya December 8, 2016. Hulugan at by faith ang perang panghulog ko sa kanya. For 1 year lang kasi kaya medyo malaki ang hulog. Pero God is amazing kasi never pa naman akong pumalya.. Lalo na nung April at May yun kasi ang crucial months kasi wala akong work nun bakasypn kasi so wala din akong sweldo.. Pero as of this writing, nasa 6 moths na siya at wala pa namang nagiging problem. Alam ko protected kami ni Lord everytime may lakad kami. Thank You Lord for Kairos!

New Look!..New Me!

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June 11, 2016 Saturday..I decided to have a short hair..Don’t know what would be the outcome.. Honestly, I’m nervous..It’s been a while since nagpa-short hair ako. If I remember it right, parang grade 5 pa yata ako,,haha,,so sobrang tagal na mga 1997 yun..so after 19 years. Nasanay din ang mga tao na makita ako lagi lang long hair..either rebonded or pag natripan, naka – curl. So yun na nga iba iba reaction ng nakakita. May nagandahan, nagmukha daw akong bata. May nagsabi para daw akong si Dora. At yun usual, bakit daw ako nagpagupit?..Broken hearted ba daw ako? Ha? Ako? Di ba pwedeng try lang ng bago, maiba lang. Tapos laging sinasabi magkaka-boyfriend na daw ako kasi gumanda ako. Kasama sa short hair ko nagtry din ako ng medyo dark shade ng lipstick. Nagustuhan ko naman kasi parang may pagka – adventurous ang dating. Ewan ko lang parang di parin ako sanay kasi parang napaka – seductive ng dating para sa akin. Pero masaya naman ako kasi akala ko magsisisi ako sa naging desisyon ko pero hindi naman..3 months ko din yun pinag – isipan. Balak ko pa nga magback out nung nasa salon na ako, pero okay naman..Basta..Ang gulo ko..

Mahilig kaya ang Mr. Right ko sa mga babaeg short hair at dark ang shade ng lipstick?!

Love Is Not An Episode of Sex And The City

Written by Andrea

Texan Sky

“Love happens under a Texan sky.”

I have said those three little words to 2 boys in my life and actually meant it. One was my high school sweetheart, the other was my ex BF who I dated for 2 years and became such a solid part of my life that my 80-year-old grandmother still asks about him.

I think a lot about my current situation and found this quote the other day that totally relates:

“Everyone has a “one” before The One. You know… that one you THINK you’re going to end up with… but really they are just practice.”

It’s so true in my case.

Daniel and I had a very shaky beginning and we are just getting to the point where things are solid.

Ironically, we went to the same high school, but didn’t know each other because he is older (I do love those older men!) We ended up meeting later in life, in graduate school. Our entire almost year relationship has been long distance, since day one, so it’s not your typical girl-meets-boy-and-falls-in-love scenario with the happily-ever-after. He lives in a different time-zone!

I’m lucky if we get to see each other once a month and that’s only because my boss is great and lets me jump on planes when I ask.

Because of my ex BF, it took me a long time to admit that I cared about Daniel and an even longer time for me to admit to myself, my friends and family that he was my boyfriend. Those three little words came in time, when I was ready to admit to myself that he mattered much more than any boy had ever mattered to me before.

I couldn’t even refer to him as my boyfriend for the LONGEST time, he was simply the Texas Boy, my Lover and finally graduated to his current status of Boyfriend- capitol letter “B.”

He and I have something really special, something that I don’t really talk to my friends about or my mom even. I try really hard to not be “that girl” who just talks about her boyfriend all the time. We both view this relationship as the most “real” experience we’ve ever had and I don’t need to validate that to other people.

I do love him and it’s a different kind of love than any of my previous experiences. It feels comfortable, relaxed and just right. When I’m with him its as if all the chaos in my mind melts away and I really enjoy life for what it is. He makes me feel real, like the most genuine version of me… and that’s something I have been searching for.

So, this post is my attempt at owning up to my relationship and getting things out in the open. For me and for him. Yes, it’s real, yes, I love him and yes, I want to be with him…. for a long, long, time if you get my drift.

Life is just better when we are around each other.  As it stands, that isn’t very often, but someday when the time is right I’ll finally have a relationship that doesn’t require airplanes. For right now, this totally unrealistic situation with the most unrealistic person you’d ever pair me with is my reality… and I love it.

Since the beginning, our relationship has not been like anything out of a tv show, movie or book. It’s taken me a long time to realize that there is no manual and no directions for a relationship.

When you follow your heart and just live life, that’s when the best things happen.

– See more at: http://www.stratejoy.com/2009/11/love-is-not-an-episode-of-sex-and-the-city/#sthash.E1XMTa3L.dpuf

That Thing Called Love

Written by Kendra

love heartWhen I take a look around me, my friends tend to fall in one of three camps. Happily coupled having found the right person, coupled on schedule (having secured the job and the house –the next notch on the belt was to get married–so they found someone and they did) and finally, single, like me.

It never bugged me that I was single until I made the very silly mistake of falling in love.

I’ve been in love exactly one time. When it happened it was a coup de foudre, a bolt of lightning, that I kept telling myself could not possibly be real. He was too cute, too nice, too funny, too smart for it to be mutual. But the more I got to know him, the more I liked and it was at least on some level, mutual.

Darkly humored with his feet on the ground, a nice counterbalance to my head in the clouds, we liked enough of the same things (Sci-Fi, mocking politicians) to make it wonderful, and disliked enough of the same things (his love of sports, my stance on drug policy) to make things interesting.

So naturally we messed it up.

I’ve been wondering a lot why so many of my friends– smart, interesting, successful in their own ways–are reluctantly single. And why Mr.X and I couldn’t make things work.

And I think it’s because, well, we think, too damn much. This Huffington Post article touches on it, but while their author narrows it down to very specific reasoning, I think many of us reluctant singles are guilty of a special brand over thinking.

We think love should come to us when we’re ready for it and when it doesn’t, we freak.

Like the guy who dumped a friend because the stronger his feelings for her became the less he was able to deal with them. He hadn’t been looking for love, you see, and to stumble across love when it wasn’t a part of his plans was not something he could do. So he ran.

Another ended things because she was scared at the idea of starting a serious relationship when her life was in flux; she wasn’t sure if she could be what he wanted her to be, but never bothered to give the poor guy a chance to articulate what he wanted out of the relationship.

Too many of us walk away from potentially great relationships – because we fear being unsettled, because we don’t have the degree/the job/the paycheck that we feel we need to “get serious”. The universe has its own timeline, and one that is often better than we could create. The trouble comes, however, when the universe serves us up something amazing and we walk away (time and time again) out of fear, or because it doesn’t mesh with some vague timeline.

There’s no guarantee that it will give us such awesomeness again, so when it does, we shouldn’t worry so much about the details. Just go for it.

Life and love are not a series of connect the dots… now if only I could remember that. 😉

– See more at: http://www.stratejoy.com/2009/09/that-thing-called-love/#sthash.GRTZPkSM.dpuf